MY FIRST BLOG!!

        This is my very first ever blog.  I am totally new to this latest marvel of technology.  I remember as a kid watching the cartoon The Jetsons, and how imposible the things they had on that show were.  Such as video phone calls!! What a marvel that was, as a kid it seemed pure fantasy.  And now 25 years later its an everyday thing, no big deal, skype is as simple as anything, but I still think its amazing and really quite the treat.
         But enough of that, I started this blog because I am just a regular person who has alot to say and no one to listen.  I feel very unfufiled in my life.  I feel like I never reached any kind of potential I may have had in my younger years, and I really have no meaning to my life.  Oh sure I am a mother of 2.  One boy and one girl and they are a great source of pride for me, but one thing you learn as a mother is that although your children come from you they are not you.  You are still you, thats an individual person. Unique and full of natural longing for your own fufilment.  In other words if our kids become successful thats a great testement to a mothers accomplishment but it is still another persons success not your own.  I feel like in having children I have lost my sense of self. 
          I believe this is quite common. So I started this blog in hopes of finding my way back to my self.  Here is a great forum for me to talk and talk and talk and for the first time in my life I wont be told to shut up!!  I love it, I really dont expect anyone to read this as I am a nobody in every sense of the word.  And thats o.k. with me, we all need an outlet to express ourselves and this is just that for me.  If by chance someone does stumble across it then I hope they can enjoy!! I am going to talk about my life and the insights such a dialoge tends to promote. I feel like I have done alot of living and learning in my 36 years on this earth and I have stuff I want to say.  Sadly I have no one to listen.
        I have been in a relationship with a man for 4 years, which is by far the longest relationship of my life.  But sadly we dont talk anymore.  We used to talk all the time and have really great conversations about all kinds of stuff.  But now we have a baby and it has changed everything!!  I'm sure there are many many women out there who understand this all to well.  Baby changes everything and it is very unwelcomed if you try to discuss the negative aspects to having a baby.  A baby is suposed to bring nothing but joy and love and happiness to your life, and indeed it does, but it is just like everything eles in life, there is a good side and a bad side.  There are many downsides when you have a baby and of course its taboo to say so so you never learn about the negative changes or how to prepare for, adjust to, or deal with those types of drastic life changes.  I could write a whole paper on these changes but for now lets just say if you have ever had a baby within a committed relationship then you know exactly what I am talking about!!  So suffice it to say even though I am surrounded by more people than I have ever been before in my life, I am still very much alone.  It's actually worse to feel so alone with people all around you, then it is to just be all alone, somtimes....
         We all need someone to talk to.  It is in my opinion a natural need such as food and water, to be a healthy person you must have some social life and someone to really truly confide in.  I have next to no social life, really my social time is my work time.  I am a waitress and have been a waitress for over 20 years, so my coworkers are my social time but I dont hang out with any of my coworkers outside of work because I dont drink anymore.  Indeed I grew up and no longer have any need for drinking.  To many bad and abusive ex-boyfriends who were alcholics, I have no desire for any of that!
            Well thats going to have to be all for tonight Its 3am and momma needs some sleep, but I am very excited about this new adventure Im about to embark upon and I do hope there will be others who want to go on the ride with me.  Love Kim